CANNONBALL! into the water

because sometimes you just have to jump and hope you won't get hurt.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

the question lingers and will continue to linger because an answer does not exist

Sometimes I wonder why I attend the University of Oklahoma. I love the town, the college, and the people. Still my family has no affiliation to it. The only affiliation my family has to any large university is to the University of Michigan and, I think, Michigan State from when my aunt and uncle attended college. Other than that, my parents both went to Albion College in Albion, Michigan. It's a small private school that I wanted to go to after visiting with my dad during my junior year of high school. The only reason being it was in Michigan, a good two day's drive away from everything Texas represented at that time.

That didn't happen, obviously. When I left home for college and a higher education the first time, I went to Stephen F. Austin State University. A part of my heart and my life continues to linger there in Nacogdoches, Texas. I have friends there who I miss. And I often wish I had been able to experience more of the Eastern Texas life. But I left after an extremely hard year and moved home for a semester to work in retail.

I decided on OU for a variety of reasons. One being that is was an 8 hour drive from Katy. Now that drive is 7 hours; I have mastered I-35 S and learned to love 290 and TX-6. The other being that they had an excellent English program. I had this idea in my head that I would take nothing but writing classes, that all of my professors would flatter me with words that reaffirmed what I already knew: at the age of 19, I was the next great American novelist and Oprah Winfrey was anxiously waiting to be my best friend.

Much like Joey Potter in Dawson's Creek, who gets her first C, I found out how wrong I was. And I got puched more than I could remember. There were compliments, mixed with true criticism that strengthened me. I still pull out copies with handwritten remarks in hopes of learning something new about how to write.

Now I am a journalism major. While in Austin, I was told that I should go to UT because they have a great journalism program. Of course this was said by a graduate of Texas. And if you know anything about large schools, you know that UT and OU hate each other to the point of having to hold the football game in Dallas so that everyone can come and tailgate, even if they aren't going to the game.

But OU has a great journalism college. I am determined to make this major stick, to get out of school and take the obligatory picture with my diploma and smiling parents who are thinking "our bank account is actually going to have money in it again".

The question remains still of why OU. When I transferred to OU, I was given the chance to go anywhere I wanted. Pretty much. I looked into going to school in Arizona and in Alabama. I even entertained the thought of moving out to California or up to Michigan, though I knew my parents would freak out if that happened. But the truth is that I am happy here.

When I say that I don;t mean I am content or okay with being here. I mean that I am actually happy. And glad to be here and feel like I am meant to be right where I am. Because I found myself in Oklahoma. I learned how to be comfortable with who I am as a person. I found people like me, which never hapened in Texas.

And for the next two years, I can ready myself for moving to NYC or San Fran or somewhere in Michigan or Seattle where I will find even more of myself, where I will learn that I'm not so different, I'm really more of a carbon copy of a lot of people and hey that's okay.

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